Bittersweet

I have actually finished altering the skirt.  It took less than an hour, as anticipated, although that hour was spread out over several days.  As I result I did not update you about progress and accomplishments either simply because the available time came down to doing something, no matter how minute, or writing about it. Doing won.

Saturday was my 50th birthday and it was somewhat bittersweet.  I am not saying the day wasn't lovely, and that I am at all unhappy about turning 50, as I am not.  But just that life is rather complicated at the moment and the complexities of life spilled over somewhat into the birthday celebrations.

There was a wonderful party at my knitting group, which was actually something of a surprise because I totally did not expect it.  There was dinner and dancing and a trip to Bard College to see a Mark Morris production of the original Prokofiev score to Romeo and Juliet (yes it does have a happy ending) and the music was just as lovely but also somehow more discordant than in the piece more frequently performed. There was dinner at our favorite restaurant.

There were gifts:  a new computer from which I am typing now, and which is not completely set up.  I am migrating from PC to Apple and I don't have the data moved over yet,  At the moment the new computer is on my desk and the old computer is running on the cutting table; all the sewing machines are disconnected, at least until I am sure I have everything transferred and running on the new machine, some things with new programs as well.  I love the apple but there is a bit of learning to do. My time remains scattered and piecemeal; unfortunately my mental functioning is often as scattered as my time.

I don't know how to edit photos and haven't gotten a mac version of Photoshop or whatever the equivalent will be.  So there is much to learn.  With the new computer comes an Ipod Touch, which I also haven't set up yet.  And DH, bless his soul, also managed to throw in a special gift, the kind that comes in a blue velvet lined box..

But things still move very slowly around here.  

My hoped for sewing time did not appear except in small bits and snatches, as described above, since it took me three days to get a one-hour job done.  And then I messed it up.  The distractions were constant, my mind somewhat scattered, and I forgot to sew the lining in place when I put the waistband back on the skirt,  I am not going to rip it out again.  I will just turn the lining into a slip.... but obviously there are other things to work on too.

And I haven't even started my coat muslin.

In the meantime, DH, is spiraling more and more deeply into confusion.  We see a neurologist on Friday and I although I don't expect answers that day, I am finding myself needing some kind of answers so that I can know and prepare for whatever may be next.  I dearly hope that the tide of these developments can be stemmed by modern medicine, but I am also preparing myself for the idea that this might not be the case. And although I want, and even need to keep sewing, I do mourn the fact that it may be some time before I am once again able to lose myself in the process of sewing. There will be sewing, but progress may be as scattered and unpredictable as my life right now. 

I am beginning to refer to DH as "the confused one", not really in a bad way, but as a coping mechanism and a way of separating the person who is increasingly unable to do simple tasks by himself, who doesn't understand so many things, who needs to be entertained, who can't follow simple instructions and even conversations, who needs constant help and supervision, from the other person, my beloved DH, so that I don't lose track of the warm, witty, loving, funny, kind person I married.

So while I have been working on the computer, too slowly also, I have also done some more "materials management" about which I will hope to get you updated, as well as some shopping at Gorgeous Fabrics, and some thinking about other alterations, plans, new garments and ways of working with my wardrobe. 

Comments

[Marji]

{{{hugs}}}} Mardel, and welcome to the upside of the century. While I wish I had my 30-something body back, 50's are not so bad.

You know, I thought about you while writing my needlepoint post. The biggest advantage I see in needlepoint, and the reason I did so much of it when the kids were little, is that you can pick it up and set it down at a moments notice - no row to finish - it's beautiful, and relaxing, and somewhat mindless. The painting is on the canvas, no squares to count ...so it's easy to do while somewhat distracted. Have you thought about picking up some needlepoint?

Hope your appointment tomorrow tells you what you need to know.

[materfamilias]

Happy Birthday and welcome to life on the other side of 50. I'm finding it surprisingly rich and enjoyable, but there are challenges as well, as you are already finding. Losses and illnesses are more prevalent on this side -- the ones you're facing seem exceptionally difficult to me, and I can't imagine how you muster the good cheer your blog manifests. All the best . . .

[Mary Beth]

Mardel, I'm so sorry to become aware of this development with DH. Priorities change. Friends remain. 50 is a good thing IMO. I get brief when distressed....

[Susan]

Oh dear, I am so sorry. I cannot imagine how tough that would be to deal with. But yes, please get all the help and support you can now. That way you will be better prepared for what is to come and I so hope and pray that modern medicine can help. Hugs, Susan

[Gigi]

I can't even imagine how difficult this time is for you. Perhaps seeking support from others in the same position will help you get through this. Happy belated birthday!

[Cherie]

My thoughts go out to you during a difficult time. Just a note - you can do it! Whatever it takes, you can do it. Get help from the get go, don't try it alone, and it will be workable.

[LindsayT]

Welcome to the newly 50 club. (Me last November.) Sounds like you've got a lot going on in your life right now. Fifty is tough but one gets used to it.